职场幽默英语故事

　　身在外企就好像站在国境线上，一半在中国，一半在外国。阅读职场幽默英语故事，有助于大家舒缓压力。

　　1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用

　　The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film. When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them, “you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?” “I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered. “It’s not worth seeing.” “I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said. “Wake the child up and let him cry.”

　　一对夫妇带着他们 3 岁的儿子去看电影。进电影院时，服务员对他们说： “如果你们的儿子 哭了，你们就得出去。不过我们会给你们退票的。 ”大约半个小时以后，丈夫对妻子说： “你 觉得这电影怎么样?” “我从没看过这么没劲的电影。 ”妻子回答说， “真不值得看。“我也 ” 不喜欢看。 ”丈夫说： “叫醒孩子，让他哭。 ”

　　2、What a Smart Wife 家有笨妻

　　A newly married woman was sitting on a chair, looking vexed, when her husband came home. "What's up? Why do you look so troubled?" the husband asked. The woman replied, "I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and

　　burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said, "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."

　　"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair," the wife responded.

　　有一个刚结婚的太太，坐在椅子那边，看起来很懊恼，她先生回家看到她这个样子，就 问： ‘嗨，你怎么啦?为什么看起来这么懊恼呢?’太太说： ‘很抱歉，你那件新做的西装裤 被我烫坏了， 烫成一个洞了。 他先生说： ’ ‘啊! 那个没关系啦! 我还有另外一件一样的裤子。 ’ 她说： ‘是啊，还好我把那件新的拿出来补那件被我烫坏的。 ’

　　3、Endearing terms 可爱的称呼

　　Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago." Bernie 应邀来到他的朋友 Morris 家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie 发现，不管问他老婆什么问 题，Morris 总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的.，甜心等 等。Bernie 对 Morris 说， “你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲 密。 ”Morris 低下头，小声地对 Bernie 说， “老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什 么了。 ”

　　4、Are you a normal person?你是正常人吗?

　　During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug." 参观一所精神病院的时候一个参观者问院长， “你们是用什么标准来决定一个人是否应该被 关进精神病院呢?” “呃… …”院长说， “是这样，我们先给一个浴缸放满水，然后我们 给病人一个调茶匙，一个茶杯和一个水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清。 “噢，我明白了” 参 ” ，

　　观者说。 “一个正常人会选择水桶， 因为水桶比茶匙，茶杯的体积大。 “错了”“院长回 ” ， 答” “正常人会把浴缸塞子拔掉” 。

　　5、老虎来了

　　Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?" His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you." 两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。 其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说， “你以为 穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗?” 他的朋友回答道： “我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。 ”

　　6、Another 40 Years to live 再活 40 年

　　A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you." 一名中年妇女心脏病突发被送到了医院， 在手术台上，濒临死亡之际，她看到了上帝， 于 是，她问上帝是不是她的日子到头了。 上帝回答说， “还没有，你还能活 43 年，2 个月零 8 天。 身体快要康复的时候，这名女士想到自己还要活那么多年，得好好对待自己，于是决 ” 定先不出院，而是去给自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后还做了一个腹部拉皮和其它一些 美容美体手术。 她甚至还请人到医院里面帮她头发给染了。 做完最后一个手术，这位女 士出院了， 但就在过马路的时候，她被一辆风驰电挚赶回医院的救护车给撞死了。 再一 次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地问上帝， “我记得你说我还能再活 40 年?” 上 帝回答， “那个时候我没认出你来” 。